Weekend Thoughts! Hello November!

Recap of October in Pictures:

http://photos-b.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xfa1/10724780_844984088875585_1617238885_n.jpgEmery in awe of the size of this zucchini

http://photos-h.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xaf1/10601974_1480473668887919_1387381266_n.jpgThe girls loved to pick tomatoes out of the community garden.

http://photos-g.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xaf1/10623621_1514357848804118_2078092243_n.jpgKate Jennie is pure sunshine.  She finally broke four teeth this past month.

http://photos-e.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xaf1/10724050_360514334126124_1673125261_n.jpgOlivia twirling at the pumpkin patch in Santaquin - a much needed fun family day

http://photos-g.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xfa1/10723892_846384125392734_588365133_n.jpgshe found the perfect one!

http://photos-b.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xaf1/10727590_1520892514818497_40929569_n.jpgKatie girl in her clown costume

http://photos-c.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xfa1/10724810_930126643683130_1374897152_n.jpgEmery and Olivia in their clown costumes

Hello November!  Oh, how the time is flying.  It's been far too long since I posted on this small corner of mine on the internet.  I forget how good it feels to express my feelings in my writings.

This weekend was very humbling for me.  My heart has been changed and I hope I find myself rehearsing these feelings and commitments in my mind to be better over and over again.

Craig has been gone all weekend at a conference and I have been alone, feeling a bit overwhelmed with the massive amount of responsibility that seems to be weighing on my shoulders.  I'm feeling a lot of pressure to be so many things right now.  And, admittedly, being the best mother possible hasn't been at the forefront of my priorities until yesterday afternoon.

Emery had brought a cookie into the front room and smeared it all over the chair while I was nursing the baby.  When I came into the room, I was immediately greeted by what seemed to be an utterly massive chocolate stain glaring me right in the face.  I got upset and then Emery, consequently, got upset.  I picked her up and not being able to control her flailing body, lost grip of her and she dropped down onto the chair.

Tears are swelling in my eyes as I write this because I keep seeing my beautiful baby girl in my mind with a big black, swollen eye. And it breaks my heart all over again.  

Today, I sat back and watched the girls interact with one another and go about their day with a different set of eyes.  I chose to see them for the beautiful individuals they are, not for who I want them to be.  I was amazed at how confident, kind, helpful, smart and loving they are.  And the most amazing thing--Emery kept glancing over at me throughout the day with such sincerity.  The expression and look in her eyes telling me over and over again that she loves me and forgives me.  And this is the greatest thing she could ever, ever teach me: to love unconditionally and be quick to forgive others and  in this case, especially, myself.

I'm grateful to be a mother to children who love me, who have so much patience and faith in me and who are teaching me incredible things everyday.  I've needed that reminder.  What a joy they are in my life and I am blessed beyond measure to be theirs.   
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